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bigfatfae: Krissy as Misery in the style of Cave Story icons~ (Default)
bigfatfae

November 2014

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bigfatfae: Krissy as Misery in the style of Cave Story icons~ (Default)
I've always loved words. Words, numbers, symbols... The ways in which we communicate have always fascinated me, and I've always felt at home using my words, and understanding the words of others. Did you know that that's the real problem with most communication? We say one thing and the intended recipient receives a different message because they interpret it differently. The words they hear are different than the words we say. Some would say it's because of the erosion of our language, but honestly, I think this is a natural thing. We all live inside of our minds, we all learn from different sources. Standardization is a doomed process.

So the ability to decipher what a person MEANS as opposed to what a person SAYS is of absolute importance to me.

Similarly, the ability to change my words until they click with the person reading them is important to me. It's likely why I've always preferred instant messengers of journal services like this one. The ability to refine my thoughts through multiple iterations, to check a person's understanding, to ensure we're all on the same page... But at the end of the day, regardless of what medium I'm communicating through, I've always had faith in my ability to transpose my thoughts in a way that most people will be able to understand.

When I was younger, I picked up vocabulary at a startling rate compared to my peers. As a child, the most common thing for me to hear was "What does mean?". I nearly failed most of my English courses due to inability to focus on reading projects. Reading comprehension was never difficult, I always understood what a sentence meant if I could be bothered enough to read it. But my ability to comprehend language was never questioned. I still am bitter at the American school system for this reason. How could a child fully capable of understanding the basic principals of what was being taught be skipped over entirely and dismissed? ADD/ADHD are still my most likely culprits, beyond the general inefficiency of the school system.

This has always bothered me. Because while I was certainly above average compared to children my age, as I grew up, the field leveled out a bit. And now as an adult, I lack many of the more advanced qualities of a good writer. I have intuited many useful words and idioms, I understand the basics of sentence structure, but I still don't know how to diagram a sentence. My vocabulary likely isn't any higher than average for my current age. I've barely read any books in comparison to my current peers, and especially those that I look up to... But the worst of it is that it feels like I need to move heaven and earth to get myself to write. Once I start, I can manage a burst of energy that takes me through a small project to completion. And further: that burst of energy is one of the hardest things to acquire. Actually getting myself to start is near impossible, it feels. And larger projects? Actually impossible. If the burst of energy doesn't complete the project, then picking it back up is even harder. If I can't complete it in the span of a few hours, then I may as well not start it.

But the thing is? Like I said at the beginning... I love words. I love communication in general. I love stories and I love symbols and I love sharing thoughts. I love all of it, I love everything words are. And I just... I struggle to write even something like this, until suddenly it all comes pouring forth, nearly effortlessly. Because finding the words isn't the problem. My words aren't arranged with any particularly fantastic craftsmanship, I am not a grand student or genius... Hell, I'd be stretching it to say I'm even 'above average'. But I truly do love words, and I love knowing that I've communicated an idea to somebody. It's an important aspect of my soul. So it's something I wish to fix. I want my head to clear up so that I can actually write, so that I can share my thoughts with all of you.
bigfatfae: Krissy as Misery in the style of Cave Story icons~ (Default)
There's many ways to approach the subject of magic. It's a fascinating thing to most people and little else. A wish, a desire for something less mundane. And if I were to tell you it's real, some would jump at the idea, others would claim the overuse of a familiar trope. But as fae, tropes are my bread and butter, so you'll need to bear with me.

Long long ago, the world we lived in was much different. You've read the stories, or at least heard of them. Of the fantastic tales of gods and otherworldly beings, of magic and power, and the fervent belief of the masses. Some make the mistake of believing that belief, itself, is the source of magic when they desire for magic to exist. After all, belief is something we struggle with, it's something that's easy to blame when it doesn't work. But in reality, belief is only one of many components to the magical experience. It's somewhat difficult to describe, but a large part of the effectiveness of magic comes down to will. Belief is a component in this as a limiter. If you don't believe something is possible, then you can't as effectively will it into being. It's the same as when you go into a competition expecting to lose: It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Only when you break through that limiter (if you were to get a lucky break, say, that you can push through to allowing yourself to believe victory is possible) can you win.

Humans were always well suited to magic, but the same traits that made them well suited to magic made them well suited to abusing it, and to locking it away. Humans can make enormous leaps of logical power. They have potential for enormous amounts of willpower. But not all humans are created equal. And humans are tribal. They saw their brethren struggle with the will necessary for magic. Some had a stronger spark than others. And so, many of them got together as they spread across the planet... and when enough with the spark joined, they created a belief that would spread. A magical meme that would cement power in human hands. The power of technology and a static world. Many many groups fought for this power. Many tried to create different versions of this world with themselves, or their close ones on top...

These warring masses of egos eventually managed to escalate enough power that they did create the world they so desired. It covered the entire planet, in fact. It cemented so many new rules, changed the fabric of our world and pushed the 'other' to it's fringes. The gifted and other now hide among the ranks, the toxic belief often even overcoming them. All sentient beings are humans, after all, in this new world. The other is dangerous, even if interesting.

The magical wars of these beliefs are still fought today. The war of consensus reality. But none can ever win, because as long as the same spell resides in all humans, only one human believing the opposite is necessary. Only one human believing in the contrary is necessary to prevent the shift in reality's rules. And so, the war is no longer fought with magic itself, but with belief itself. With normalization. Images are cultivated, spun, fed in mass. The world is created through a filter. And in this way, those who understand the spells cast now have the ability to access a magic long since locked away from them. Those who would abuse the power for the benefit of themselves alone have access to it in a way the mages of the past had no idea could happen.

But they do not control everything. They allowed one stray thought to slip. One stray meme to enter their world. Here we are, now, in this digital space, sharing things they have no control over. Here we are, sharing our thoughts, still tainted by their corruption, but purifying ourselves as we allow our own memes to flourish. Their seeds finding no fertile ground in us, their power dissipates as we gain our own control over our own lives. And those of us who find ourselves the other in this world of humanity, those of us who have connected to our true selves, we find pieces of our lost power. And those humans with the spark of magic in them see it, too. The spell may not be broken any time soon: But every day our shackles give just a bit more room to maneuver. Every day, we see more of ourselves. And we struggle with our belief, but belief isn't the source of ALL magic, just this singular, old, powerful spell.

It doesn't take brute force. It doesn't require that you believe. Just keep being here. Keep encouraging magic where you see it. It will spread.

We will be free.
Oct. 24th, 2014 08:17 am

Awakenings

bigfatfae: Krissy as Misery in the style of Cave Story icons~ (Default)
I'd definitely like to write more, and maybe this will be an excuse. We'll see~ But at least for now, here's a placeholder saying I'm real, and I exist, and am considering participating in something again.

Also this site is called dreamwidth. That must be perfect for someone like me, haha~
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